Weddings, SEN and a whole bunch of anxiety?
As a Dorset candid wedding photographer with a degree in Early Childhood Studies, and a HUGE wealth of knowledge on autism and ADHD here are my top tops for creating an inclusive wedding.
Creating a SEND friendly wedding.
Planning a wedding is a joyous yet challenging time, and for those with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND), or for families and friends with additional needs, the process can bring about extra layers of anxiety. Whether you’re a bride or groom, parent, or guest with additional needs, ensuring everyone feels comfortable and included on the big day is so important. Here are some tips and strategies to help support SEND on your wedding day.
1. Familiarise Yourself with the Venue
One of the best ways to reduce anxiety is to get as familiar as possible with the wedding venue. Visiting the location multiple times before the big day allows you to feel comfortable in the space. This helps alleviate any fear of the unknown and lets you get used to the layout and ambiance.
Tip: Take photos of key areas at the venue, such as where the ceremony will be held, where food will be served, and where the quiet spaces are. Reviewing these photos before the wedding can be a comforting reminder of where everything is and what to expect. These can be shared with guests who need to know every aspect in order to feel safe and happy.
2. Create Quiet Spaces for Downtime
Weddings are often busy, loud, and filled with people, which can be overwhelming for someone with sensory sensitivities and/or social anxiety. Designating a quiet space at the venue where you or others can retreat for some peace and quiet is a game-changer!! This could be a small room with comfortable seating or even an outdoor spot away from the crowd.
Tip: Let your guests know in advance that these quiet spaces are available. This way, they can use them as needed without feeling like they’re missing out on the celebration. You can also consider purchasing some Loop ear plugs to help minimise some of the everyday background noise- honestly, they are a game changer!
3. Schedule Photos at a Comfortable Time
Photos are an important part of capturing your special day, but they can also be tiring. If you or someone close to you has SEND, consider when the best time would be for pictures. Perhaps it’s better to take photos early in the day before the hustle and bustle begins, or maybe a later time works better after you’ve had a chance to settle into the event. Or go fully candid to reduce demands on the day!
Tip: Discuss your needs with me! I can help accommodate any specific requirements, ensuring the day goes nice and smooth and is enjoyable as possible. I can also be super flexible- if these plans change on the day, this is ok!
4. Involve Your Children in the Planning
If you have children with additional needs, involving them in planning elements of the day can help them feel more comfortable and excited. Allow them to make choices about things like their outfit, activities, or even helping decide on locations for photos.
Tip: Giving children options and involving them in decision-making can make them feel more in control and less anxious.
5. Consider Sensory Needs
Think about the sensory environment of your wedding day. For example, a beach wedding might sound idyllic, but it could be uncomfortable if the sand feels scratchy or the sun is too hot. Likewise, a live band might be too loud or bright for someone with sensory sensitivities.
Tip: Choose venues, attire, and entertainment that align with your sensory needs. If something feels overwhelming, it’s okay to adapt or adjust your plans. Remember it is your day, if you want a quiet one- that is ok!
6. Use Social Stories
For individuals with SEND, knowing what to expect can ease a lot of anxiety. A social story is a simple narrative that outlines what will happen during the day, where it will happen, and who will be there. This can help individuals process the sequence of events and feel more prepared.
Tip: Share the social story ahead of time and review it regularly leading up to the wedding. I can help you with this if you need support and guidance!
7. Don’t Stress – Go with the Flow
Weddings can be unpredictable, and things might not go exactly as planned. That’s okay and it is totally normal! So prepare yourself and others for, what I call, 'whoopsie moments'. Focus on 1 or 2 specific things you want from your day and provide some flexibility if you know transitions are difficult to allow down time.
Tip: Give yourself permission to take breaks, change into comfy clothes if needed, and just be yourself. Your happiness and comfort are what matter most. Sharing a simplified time-line with guest, where appropriate, can help to alleviate anxieties and help others to plan breaks in.
8. Ensure Everyone is Well-Fed and Hydrated
It’s amazing how much comfort can be found in a good meal or a refreshing drink. Make sure there’s plenty of food and water available throughout the day. This simple step can prevent irritability, meltdowns, or fatigue. Consider your time line; if you are getting married at 12noon, but food isn't served until 6pm you may may feel hangry, or have hangry guests!
Tip: Have snacks and drinks readily available, especially in quiet spaces or during downtime.
9. Bring Extra Comfort Items
Whether it’s an extra set of comfy clothes, noise-cancelling headphones, or a favourite blanket, or a familiar teddy or jumper, sensory toys. Having comfort items on hand can help ease any discomfort that may arise during the day.
Tip: Pack a small bag with essentials that might help you or your loved ones feel more at ease during the celebration.
10. Mindfulness and positive self talk
I know, it might sound like a such a little thing to do but it can have such a huge difference to your mindset. On the day you may feel overwhelmed and start to feel panicky. Stop. Take 3 deep breathes in and out and focus on your breathing. Focus on how your body is feeling, is it tense? Relaxed? Clench your muscles together and try to relax them and focus on 5,4,3,2,1:
- Identify 5 things you can see.
- Name 4 things you can touch.
- Pay attention to 3 things you can hear.
- Recognize 2 things you can smell.
- Notice 1 thing you can taste.
This will help to bring you back into the room. Through out the day if you notice your self-talk become negative. Try to refocus- what is going well? What are you most happy about? What 5 positive things can you see around? It might be raining, but the children are happy jumping in puddles!
Tip: Practise these skills before the day and if you have children encourage them to practise with you!
12. Communicate with Your Vendors
Make sure your vendors, including the photographer, caterer, and DJ, understand the specific needs of your guests. A brief discussion with them beforehand can go a long way in ensuring they are accommodating and sensitive to the situation.
Tip: For example, ask the DJ to keep the volume at a manageable level or inform the caterer of any dietary restrictions that may be due to sensory sensitivities.
13. Consider Seating Arrangements
Seating can have a significant impact on comfort, especially for guests with SEND. For example, someone with sensory sensitivities might prefer to be seated away from loudspeakers or high-traffic areas. Similarly, someone with mobility issues may need easy access to restrooms or exits.
Tip: Arrange seating with these needs in mind and communicate any necessary adjustments to the venue staff.
14. Designate a Support Person
Consider designating a trusted friend or family member to act as a support person throughout the day. This person can help address any unexpected needs, provide emotional support, and ensure that everything runs smoothly without adding to your stress. This is particularly important if it is your child with SEN. You may not be available so consider who your child feels safe with as a back up.
Tip: Choose someone who understands SEND needs and is comfortable stepping in if required.
15. Be Mindful of Transitions
Transitions between different parts of the day, such as moving from the ceremony to the reception, can be challenging for those with SEND. Providing clear, gentle guidance during these times can help ease the transition.
Tip: Use visual cues, verbal reminders, or even have someone personally guide guests who might need extra support during these moments.
16. Consider accessibility
Do you need ramps/lifts? Are there lots of steps? Consider whether guests can get around easily and comfortably, this includes Granny and Grandad!
17. Bring Extra Comfort Items
Whether it’s an extra set of comfy clothes, noise-cancelling headphones, or a favourite blanket, or a familiar teddy or jumper, sensory toys. Having comfort items on hand can help ease any discomfort that may arise during the day.
Tip: Pack a small bag with essentials that might help you or your loved ones feel more at ease during the celebration.
Have Fun – Just Be YOU!
Above all, remember that this day is about celebrating love and joy. Your wedding day should reflect who you are, and that includes embracing the quirks and unique aspects that make you and your loved ones special.
Tip: Focus on what truly matters to you and your partner, and enjoy every moment. Your calm and happiness will create a beautiful atmosphere that everyone will appreciate.
Have a missed anything? Please drop me a message so I can share your top tips with other wonderful couples!
Weymouth based wedding photography working across Dorset, Somerset, Devon, Hampshire and Wiltshire
Feed back:
K&N 2024 [names redacted]
When my husband and I were planning our wedding, one thing we were very nervous about was photography. We knew it was important for us to have as many memories as we could for the day, but both of our son’s have ASD. It was really important for us to have someone who could not only take amazing photos of our day, but understand special needs and can work around potential meltdowns.
From the minute Kelly walked in, she was straight into the chaos. My youngest H who is autistic, just clicked and chatted with her, and she took the most amazing photos of him that we really will treasure forever. Kelly is so understanding of special needs and thats a huge factor into why we picked her as our photographer.
As both myself and my husband are also on the spectrum, and not a huge fan of attention, her documentary style of photography was perfect for us, there was minimal direction and we could just be ourselves on the day. We both felt very at ease and we can see that in our photos.
